How to Introduce your Children to your New Partner

After you have worked through the severe stress of divorce, you find yourself falling in love with a new significant other. Your first instinct is to bring them home to introduce them to your children. But, what you may not realize is that it may still be too soon for your children. It’s best to use caution after the children had such a big life adjustment. Your children need time to adjust, and at first, they may not share your enthusiasm about your new partner, especially if the introduction was forced upon them.

Here are some tips to make the introduction go as smooth as possible while also giving the children the care they need during these challenging times.

Notify your ex.
It’s never a good idea to have your children be the ones to break the news to your ex, especially if they still have some anger toward you. You will have a better chance for understanding and support from your ex if you preemptively consult with them. Be respectful, no matter how you feel about your former spouse.

Refrain from boasting about your new significant other.
Your former spouse doesn’t want to hear the intimate details of your love life. Don’t rub your new-found happiness on your ex’s face.

Put yourself in their shoes.
Hearing this news can be quite overwhelming. They may end up feeling threatened by this new parent figure in their children’s lives. They could also feel sad; some partners don’t fully realize that their marriage has ended.

Take time to properly introduce.
Set up some time aside from your children to take the time and introduce your new life partner to your ex. Schedule a lunch meeting or anything that would put you and your ex in a neutral environment. If you kick things off with polite and considerate mannerisms, the higher the chance for your ex to respond peacefully.

Telling your children.
If you’re in a situation where your children are now adults and they won’t be impacted by your romantic relationship, great. However, younger kids tend to feel the loss of their original family structure when they see their parents divorce and then find love in another person. It just doesn’t seem right to them. Sometimes it may be smart to wait until you are in a committed relationship before attempting an introduction.

Baby steps.
Plan some fun and new activities your children can do with you and your new partner. This will warm up your children to having this new family member around.
By no means think that it’s a good idea to have your new significant other sleeps over before they’ve had the chance to earn your children’s approval.

Reassure your children.
Let your children know that just because you have a new partner, it’s not an effort to replace your ex (their birth parent). Assure them that they are but another person whom you have fallen in love with.

Listen.
This may be the most important part of ensuring a smoother transition for your children. Something to think about is how lack of weighted input your children had in the divorce already. Don’t encumber them with being forced to like this new person. They will need time to adjust. Keep communication open, and reasonable. Don’t yell. Hear them out, and contemplate any ideas they may say to you.

It’s unfortunate, but the introduction of a new partner affects the lives of everyone. Moving slowly in this introduction will ease the transition for anyone involved and increase the odds of a successful romantic relationship.

Leave a reply